Are you exhausted from trying to convince people who will never understand why you take action before you have it all figured out? You’re not alone – and more importantly, you’re not wrong.
Episode 12 of Hardcore and At Ease tackles the isolation that comes with being a hardcore doer and reveals the category recognition system that helps you find your actual people instead of burning out on the wrong ones.
You Represent a Different Category of Leader
Host Shelly Rood opens with a powerful realization from a coaching call with a fellow veteran: “I represent a category of people who are hardcore about the process of figuring it out. We’re the ones who don’t wait for permission, and we try things before we’re ready.”
This revelation came when the young woman said, “I’m so jealous of people like you who have figured out what you stand for and what you want to do in life.” But here’s what she missed – Shelly hadn’t figured it all out. She’d simply committed to figuring it out through action.
From gymnastics at three years old to competitive shooting in college, from joining and disaffiliating from a sorority when values didn’t align to joining the military – each decision wasn’t about having everything figured out. It was about being willing to go for it and course-correct while learning.
This isn’t about having it all figured out – it’s about being willing to figure it out through action. While others are planning, you’re testing. While others are discussing, you’re building. And that fundamental difference creates a gap that feels like isolation to you and intellectual arrogance to them.
The Construction Company Wisdom That Changes Everything
The foundation for understanding this category came from Shelly’s grandfather, who started the family construction company with his brothers. His philosophy was simple but profound: “A project is never finished until it has a little bit of your blood in it.”
While he meant that literally – construction work involves real physical risk – the principle runs deeper. We put ourselves fully into what we build. Whether you’re swinging hammers or building businesses, hardcore doers understand that excellence requires complete commitment.
This grandfather’s wisdom reveals why some people will never understand your approach. They’re looking for safe, predictable processes. You’re willing to put your blood – your full authentic self – into creating something that matters.
Album Artists vs. One-Hit Wonders
Shelly draws a brilliant distinction using the music industry: “We’re the album artists. We’re not the one hit wonders. We create beautiful, sustainable excellence through process mastery, not through perfect planning.”
She illustrates this with a recent Alison Krauss and Union Station concert, where world-class musicians demonstrated years of craftsmanship. When a fly landed on the cymbal just as the drummer was about to hit it – creating an unplanned moment that shot the fly across the orchestra – it became part of the experience.
That’s what hardcore leaders do every day. We show up to work as a live performance, adjusting in real time while building our “album” of proven systems and processes behind the scenes. We embrace the unexpected moments because we understand that excellence comes through mastery, not perfection.
Summer Soldiers vs. Dedicated Patriots
Drawing from Thomas Paine’s wisdom during the American Revolution, Shelly explains why most people disappear when excellence demands sacrifice:
“The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country, but he that stands by it now deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.”
Here’s what this means for your leadership: You don’t win with summer soldiers who show up only when conditions are perfect. You win with dedicated patriots who understand the mission is bigger than their comfort.
When pressure increases, most people don’t leave dramatically – they just become unavailable. “They’re too busy for the difficult projects. They’re overwhelmed when you need them the most. They’re dealing with personal stuff every time excellence demands some type of sacrifice.”
This isn’t about judging them – it’s about recognizing that you need people who show up in winter, not just when the weather’s nice.
The W-2 vs. Schedule C Leadership Difference
One of the most powerful analogies in the episode compares different types of leaders to tax approaches. Someone who files a simple W-2 with one income source will naturally struggle to understand a Schedule C business owner dealing with multiple revenue streams, pages of deductions, and complex variables.
Neither approach is wrong – they’re just operating from completely different systems. Some people are W-2 thinkers who want clear instructions and predictable outcomes. Hardcore doers are Schedule C thinkers, comfortable with complexity and creating their own systems.
The exhaustion comes from trying to make W-2 thinkers understand Schedule C complexity instead of finding other Schedule C people to build with.
Beyond Coordination: The Collaboration Revolution
The Hardcore and At Ease Framework’s “Generate Momentum” element reveals a critical distinction most leaders miss. There are three levels of working together:
- Competition – “I need to beat them”
- Coordination – “Sure, I’ll hand out your brochures”
- True Collaboration – “Let’s build something together”
As Shelly puts it: “Don’t ask things like, what can you do for my vision? Instead, ask, what can we build together that neither one of us could create alone?”
Most networking stops at coordination – collecting business cards, cross-promoting events, agreeing to share each other’s content. But exponential impact happens only through deep collaboration with people who share your commitment to action-oriented excellence.
Real-World Collaboration in Action
Shelly’s Woman Veteran Strong project perfectly illustrates this principle. What started as her individual passion for supporting women in non-traditional industries became something exponentially bigger through one authentic collaboration.
At a veteran’s action coalition meeting, she shared her vision for bringing strong women together. Chaplain Brian Webb approached her afterward: “Shelly, I have a pot of money that I’ve just been granted and I’m looking for a woman to run a peer project for military women.”
That moment of true collaboration – two people recognizing shared mission and building together – has grown into an 11-member team creating impact none of them could achieve alone. This is what’s possible when you stop trying to convert everyone and start collaborating with your actual people.
The Complete Hardcore and At Ease Framework for Category Recognition
We use the acronym T.A.R.G.E.T. to help deliver the Hardcore and At Ease Framework for Everyday Excellence (seriously, what else would we use?)
T – Tactical Center: “I will figure this out by doing this” – Clear commitment to action-based learning A – Ambition Alignment: Align yourself with people and organizations who build things, not just talk about them R – Resourceful Action: Use what you have, where you are, to create what’s next G – Generate Momentum: Individual action becomes exponential when we find our people E – Expect Excellence: Refine through repetition, not perfect planning T – Trust the Process: Taking action creates clarity, not the other way around
Honest Leadership: The Ongoing Challenge
Even experts struggle with this. Shelly admits: “Sometimes I still catch myself trying to explain my approach to people who will never understand it. Just last week, I found myself in a meeting where I was forcibly trying to justify why we needed to start testing an idea even before we had finished the research.”
This vulnerability reveals an important truth: recognizing your category and finding your people isn’t a one-time achievement. It’s an ongoing practice of choosing where to invest your energy.
Implementation: Your Three-Step Category Recognition System
Step 1: Own Your Category Stop apologizing for being action-oriented. Write this down: “I represent a category of people who are hardcore about going for it.” Notice when you start justifying your approach – that’s a sign you’re trying to fit into someone else’s category instead of owning yours.
Step 2: Recognize Other Category Members
Look for people who build while others plan, who test ideas instead of perfecting proposals, who get energized by challenges instead of overwhelmed. Listen for phrases like “Let’s try it and see,” “We can adjust as we go,” and “What if we just started?” Shortcut -> connect with like-minded doers at join.othersoverself.com.
But equally important – learn to recognize who isn’t your people. They say things like “We need more research” and “Let’s table this until we have all the information.” This doesn’t make them bad people, but trying to convert them is like trying to convince a W-2 person to start a business.
Step 3: Lean Into Your People When you identify another hardcore doer, reach out with supportive encouragement. Not a networking request or business proposal – just recognition from one category member to another. Something like: “I’ve been watching how you approach challenges, and I appreciate how you always seem to build solutions instead of just talking about problems.”
The Exponential Impact of Finding Your People
When you start recognizing and connecting with other hardcore doers, something remarkable happens. You stop feeling like you’re pushing people uphill and start feeling like you’re building alongside people who share your orientation toward action.
Your individual projects start connecting with other people’s projects, creating exponential impact none of you could achieve alone. Your dreams don’t just take flight – they transform entire industries because you’re creating with people who understand that excellence comes through process mastery, not perfect planning.
Listen to the Full Episode Discover the complete framework for finding your people and creating exponential impact. Shelly shares personal stories from her grandfather’s construction company, the origin of her Woman Veteran Strong project, and why she stopped trying to convert planning-oriented people. Plus, get the Snow Leopard book recommendation that helped her understand category creation.
Join the Community Ready to connect with other hardcore doers? Visit join.othersoverself.com and subscribe for weekly leadership insights every Tuesday.
Meta Description: Learn how hardcore leaders find their people and stop wasting energy on those who’ll never understand their action-oriented approach.
Social Snippets:
- “You don’t win with summer soldiers. You win with people who understand the mission is bigger than their comfort.”
- “Stop asking ‘What can you do for my vision?’ Start asking ‘What can we build together?'”
- “We’re not intellectually arrogant. We’re action-oriented. There’s a difference.”
