The work of giving to others is never ending. Here are a few reasons why serving with a happy heart is important (and necessary) for balancing our acts of giving.
When we give, give, give, we are left feeling exhausted and taken advantage of. Yet, when we aren’t serving others, our souls long to do so.
By the end of this article, you’ll learn how to break the cycle of resentment and gain clarity on:
- how your attitude affects others
- being a grateful receiver
- being a grateful giver
- how your attitude affects yourself
- how joy is necessary for sustainability
- the difference between happiness and joy
- the link between negativity and health
Happy Heart: Your Attitude Affects Others
What we call “serving others” is actually a continuous, two-way process of human interaction. This is different from transactional communication, or the self-serving idea that “you do this, and I’ll do that.”
Serving others is a lifestyle; it’s a leadership mindset that involves how we participate in acts of both giving and receiving.
If you’re into personal growth through leadership mindsets, check out our learning section here on the blog.
Let’s start by focusing on the act of receiving.
“Serving others involves how we participate in acts of both giving and receiving.”
Chaplain Shelly Rood, on why serving with a happy heart is important
Have you ever started out with good intentions, only to say later on, “You know what – just forget it.”?
What was it that caused you to feel that way? Chances are, the values of respect and appreciation were underdeveloped in the person that you were attempting to serve. They weren’t being a grateful receiver.
Being a Grateful Receiver
One way that you can serve with a happy heart is by being a grateful receiver. Good news! Being a grateful receiver is something that we have complete control over.
Sadly, in my experience, most people are not very good at receiving gifts with grace (myself included). Especially in the corporate environment, we tend to shove our certificates into drawers and our awards into closets.
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”
C.S. Lewis
Leadership expert Davin Salvagno is the CEO of PurposePoint LLC, a professional development training provider and longtime supporter of Others Over Self®️. He says that hiding away our accomplishments is being unintentionally disrespectful to the giver.
“A lot of times,” says Davin, “We diminish our accomplishments- our awards, our achievements, our impact- because somebody else has achieved more than we have. In the process of doing that, you are robbing yourself of the ability to glorify not yourself, but those who have bestowed that award upon you.”
Having a closet full of dusty military plaques myself, I appreciate Davin’s take on how to celebrate our awards through the lens of humility.
Essentially, when someone is attempting to recognize us with kind words or a gift, we have an implied responsibility to receive that gift with grace.
“It’s like taking a thank you card and throwing it in the trash,” he continues. “If someone went through the trouble of bestowing something upon you, this is a great opportunity for you to turn around and reflect gratitude back on them.”
Which brings us to the next point of how our attitude affects others.
Being a Grateful Giver
As humans, we over complicate giving to one another.
Gifts can be too large, too small, inappropriate, or even carry hidden agendas.
So, it’s no wonder that when someone does give from a place of genuine honesty, our first reaction may involve hesitation and caution.
One viewpoint that I often hear regarding the act of giving is that, “there’s a scale.” Here are a few popular attitudes that may sound familiar:
“If you give them everything, they will earn nothing.”
“When everyone is special, no one is special.”
“Participation ribbons drive complacency.”
“He/She doesn’t deserve it.”
What we’re really talking about here has two layers:
1) the attitude of our hearts when we give, and
2) whether or not someone deserves it.
When we have the opportunity to give, our hearts should be filled with happiness for the receiver. Period. When you catch yourself thinking the statements above, or even wanting to withhold your acts of service, take a few moments to reflect on why.
I’m throwing a few Bible verses in here are as a source of ancient wisdom to help shape our mindset about giving:
- When you can serve, do it –
- “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.” Proverbs 3:27-35
- When you serve, serve with cheer-
- “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” 2 Corinthians 9:7
- When you are needy, continue to give-
- “All day long he craves and craves, but the righteous gives and does not hold back.” Proverbs 21:26
“It’s not your job to be the toy police.”
I work closely with the Toys For Tots program in MetroDetroit. Started by a Marine, this is a charitable organization that collects toys and distributes them to children who otherwise may not have a gift on Christmas.
One of the workers, also a Marine, shared with me a nugget of wisdom that he learned during his first year with the program. During training, he was told, “It’s not your job to be the toy police.”
This came out as we were discussing a fraud ring that his team had recently discovered in the Detroit area. A group of adults were traveling to various toy distribution sites, completing multiple applications and attempting to collect hundreds of toys – all at the expense of the donors.
Deception is everywhere. We need to be watchful for it as a measure of protection for others. We also need to be careful that our watchfulness doesn’t result in the withholding of good.
How can we ever truly know whether or not a person is deserving of whatever gift or form of recognition we’re giving?
We can’t.
The next time someone receives an award you don’t think they deserve, try instead to focus on what it might mean to them. And, if you’re seriously questioning why they received it, consider talking to the one who bestowed the honor.
Be careful with that last step, though.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “What Susie says of Sally says more of Susie that of Sally.”? In other words, what you say about someone else says more about you than it says about whoever you’re talking about.
If you question someone’s generosity, they’re going to question your attitude.
Now that we’ve learned how your attitude affects others, and about being both a grateful receiver and giver, let’s move on to reason number two why serving with a happy heart is important:
Happy Heart: Your Attitude Affects Yourself
Opposite from humility are feelings of resentment that often surface when we feel that the form of recognition we receive isn’t equal to our act of service.
Last year, a good friend of mine (let’s call her Rebecca) spent months planning a work event. She went above and beyond, giving even her personal time and resources. True to task, the event was a success and the staff left raving about it.
On Monday, Rebecca’s boss had the opportunity to publicly recognize her efforts in the leadership meeting. When the meeting ended without a mention of the event, Rebecca was left questioning whether her toil had been worth it at all.
Should Rebecca’s boss have recognized her in the meeting?
Absolutely.
And yet –
Even though Rebecca is justified in feeling resentful, her overall sense of peace and happiness is being sacrificed by her choice to focus on the injustice.
She’s only hurting herself.
Breaking the Cycle of Resentment
It’s important that we carry this idea of being a grateful giver across the finish line.
Rebecca served with a happy heart through most of the project. In the end, though, she lost it. A lack of appreciation from others was dragging her down and stealing her joy.
Rebecca had a few options:
- She could have moped around being sad or angry
- She could have blown it off
- She could have strategized a way to address her feelings
If I’m honest, I personally lean towards #’s 1 & 2 when I find myself in these situations. It takes being intentional and having spiritual maturity to make it to option #3, strategizing ways to address our feelings.
Rebecca gave so much that she felt unappreciated… so, she gave even more.
To break the cycle of resentment, the best strategy that I have found is to serve someone else.
I’m glad to report that Rebecca’s actions also reflected option #3.
Rebecca left the leadership meeting feeling unappreciated, and she didn’t want her team to feel the same way. So, she bought them all $5 gift cards to the local coffee shop, and personally delivered each one with a message of thanks.
Catch this – Rebecca gave so much that she felt unappreciated… so, she gave even more.
You can break the cycle of resentment by turning it into a circle of giving.
When we aren’t serving others, our souls long to do so.
When you’re feeling resentful, take an extra step and find a way to serve another person. It can even be a stranger. The result will be an internal shift of emotion, and you’ll mature as a person by recognizing how much others do for you on a regular basis.
And now for the final reason why serving with a happy heart is important:
Joy is necessary for sustainability
It’s time to make a shift. Instead of desiring to have a happy heart, we should be pursuing a joyful heart.
The Difference Between Happiness and Joy
Happiness is about the self’s pleasure; it is temporary and comes from a place of external influence.
“It’s smart to enjoy happiness, but it’s smarter still to put yourself in situations where you might experience joy.”
David Brooks, as published in The New York Times
Joy, on the other hand, is an internal, selfless, sacrificial state of mind.
Because happiness relies on the external, we find ourselves constantly moving from source, to source, to source each time the emotion fades (which it always does). But joy is a deep feeling of contentment that cannot be taken away.
In his article published by The New York Times, David Brooks, Opinion Columnist, says that happiness is good, but joy is better. “It’s smart to enjoy happiness, but it’s smarter still to put yourself in situations where you might experience joy.”
While public recognition from her boss would have given Rebecca a moment of happiness, delivering gift cards to her team brought her a sense of joy.
The Link Between Negativity and Health
Another reason why joy is necessary for sustainability is because constantly harboring negative emotions eventually results in poor physical health.
Just do an internet search on the subject and you’ll discover thousands of reports that come to the same conclusion: “Poorly-managed negative emotions are not good for your health.”
That’s a direct quote from this article published by the University of Minnesota. In it, contributor Karen Lawson, MD, writes that, “It’s important to recognize our thoughts and emotions and be aware of the effect they have—not only on each other, but also on our bodies, behavior, and relationships.”
Joy is necessary for sustainability for two reasons:
- Different from happiness, it is an internal mindset that allows us to look past fleeting emotions, and
- it significantly contributes to the physical health of our bodies – the vessels that we gave been given to serve one another.
Lesson Recap on Serving With a Happy Heart
You made it to the end! Here’s a recap on why serving with a happy heart is important (and necessary) when balancing our acts of giving.
We learned that your attitude affects others, and that we should be both a grateful receiver and a grateful giver.
We learned that your attitude affects yourself and that we can break the cycle of resentment by replacing it with a circle of giving.
Finally, we learned that joy is necessary for sustainability. There is a big difference between happiness and joy, and that negativity affects our health.
The next time you feel unappreciated, whether it’s by a coworker or loved one, remember that the key to breaking through your negative emotions is by serving someone else.
